-I was running a bit behind. Would you guys mind —
Can I write out some thank-you notes right now
for you guys? [ Cheers and applause ] James, can I get some thank-you
note writing music, please? ♪♪ [ Laughter ] -Wow, that’s sly.
-He’s like the Mona Lisa. He’s like the Mona Lisa. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ Thank you, two-person luge, or, as I like to call you,
extreme spooning. [ Laughing ] Yeah. I love that.
-Whoa-oh! [ Applause ] ♪♪ -Thank you, freestyle skiing,
for being the only event where I can’t tell if everything
is going just right or horribly wrong. [ Laughter ] Oh, no.
Oh. I mean, yeah. I mean, no.
No. Terrible. -Oh, he won! ♪♪ -Thank you, snowboarding,
for being the only time parents are cool with their kids
hitting the pipe. [ Laughter ]
-Oh! Hey. [ Cheers and applause ] Stay off it. -Stay off it.
Stay off it. -No pipe, no pole.
-Stay off it. [ Scattered laughter ] ♪♪ Thank you, Olympic athletes,
for spending years competing for a medal that
you can’t ever actually wear without looking
like a total showoff. It’s like… “Yeah, oh, what?
This old thing? Anyway, can I get
a Frappuccino, please?” [ Laughter ] ♪♪ Thank you, ski jumping,
for showing me what Michael Jackson’s
“Smooth Criminal” dance would look like as a sport. [ Laughter and applause ] -Ha! ♪♪ -Thank you, ice dancing,
for combining one thing I can’t do with
another thing I really can’t do. [ Laughter and applause ] -You decide. ♪♪ -Thank you,
women’s biathlon competitors, and your inspiration, the Mighty Morphin’
Power Rangers. [ Laughter and applause ] -Come on! ♪♪ -This one’s not gonna work.
-No. Well, try it. -It’s not gonna work. -You’re predicting
it’s not gonna work now. Is that a self-fulfilling
prophecy? -I know —
-Let the audience decide. Let the audience decide. [ Cheers and applause ] -All right.
-All right. Pretend like you didn’t
hear him say that. ♪♪ -Thank you, Red Gerard,
for showing me what it would look like
if Spicoli won a gold medal. [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] Lot of Spicoli fans out there. -Lot of Spicolis, man. -People love Spicoli, man. -Yeah. -Sean Penn.
That’s my dude. [ Laughter ] ♪♪ -Thank you, bobsledding, for being the original
Uber pool. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] You good? Yeah.
-Good. ♪♪ -Thank you, 2018
Winter Olympics, for giving us so many memorable moments,
they can’t be summed up in a thank-you note. But fortunately,
they can be summed up in a rap. [ Audience ohs ] Do you know
what I’m talking about, Tariq?! -[ Laughs ] Yeah, yeah. I got you, Jimmy. -Thank you. -♪ Yo the 2018,
the Olympian ♪ ♪ Games on PyeongChang,
that’s South Korean ♪ ♪ The stadium apparently
is the house to be in ♪ ♪ And girls say
that Tongan dude’s Herculean ♪ ♪ Gerard got the gold early,
I heard him cussin’ ♪ ♪ Only 17, still doper
than the Russians ♪ ♪ Nathan Chen came to win ♪ ♪ Shib sib,
let the game begin ♪ ♪ Then Mirai Nagasu said
I got you ♪ ♪ I’ll do the impossible
we said I’ll watch you ♪ ♪ Rocked the triple axle ♪ ♪ And then bring it back
to the U.S. ♪ ♪ Girl, you just
the queen of the castle ♪ ♪ Who da champions? ♪ ♪ You know we them ♪ ♪ There’s no Kourtney,
but there’s Chloe Kim ♪ ♪ Who went on the attack ♪ ♪ What’s better than that? ♪ ♪ She won a gold medal,
go and get her a snack ♪ ♪ I must admit the games
have been a whirlwind ♪ ♪ Skating, skiing, swirling,
but what’s curling? ♪ ♪ When you find out,
hit me back ♪ ♪ A’ight, that’s the end
of this Olympics rap ♪ [ Cheers and applause ] -Tariq Trotter! My thanks to everybody who tuned in
to “The Fallon Five” this week, and congrats to all
of this year’s Olympians. I’ll see you next week.
Bye-bye, everybody. ♪♪