– Yeah, but did you hear that Sega Genesis has blast processing? – SHUT UP! – Dude, look at all these frickin’ nerds. – Yeah, I don’t think it was a good idea for me to dress in a Princess Zelda costume. – But dude, whatever. We get a free t-shirt if we’re in costumes. – Yeah, if we ever get up there. – Yeah, sometimes I just wish I had the Master Sword so I could just cut my way to the front. – But then you’d go to jail for murder, and then you’d never even have time to play the game in the first place. – True. – I, on the other hand, wish I had the Ocarina so I could play the “Song of Time,” go forward in time, and already have the game. – Dude, how awesome would it be to have video game items in real life? – Happy B-day, Francis. What do you think of the cake I made you? – Well, it’s nice, but it’s too damn small. – You ungrateful little s–t. (blipping) – That’s what I’m talking about. (gobbling) – I’m gonna go play in the road! – Hey, get back here! – (grunting, whimpering) – (grunting) How do I bring you back? – Aah! OH!! (groans) – (dismissive sigh) Oh well. – What’s wrong, Mom? – I found this under your bed. – No, no. – Are you using it? – No, no, no, no, no, that’s from a video game. I swear. – Do not lie to me. – It’s from a video game! – Honey, I think maybe we should confiscate that for, uh… scientific purposes? – Yes, that is what we’ll do. For science. – For science. – Yes. Bye, Son. – Bye. Get in there. – (giggles) – I’m gonna wash out my eyes with bleach. – So you want to go back to my place and put on a documentary about the legitimate concerns about time travel? – Yeah, or we can just go make out on a dirty bus bench, and I can never call you again. – That one sounds a lot less boring. – Get out here. (portal warbles) Have fun being single. I’m getting hooked up. I like to start like this. I go like… – Oh, yeah. – Oh, God! Oh, God! What the hell?! Oh, God! It’s like a dooky rain! Oh, shoot! – Isn’t this romantic? – Maybe if that stupid candle was lit. (blip, chime) I MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!!! – (speaking foreign language) (screaming) – FIRST!! (laughs trollishly) (boom!) – Nobody f–king cares! – Good thing I adopted a second kid that just so happens to look like the first. – I’m gonna rub my private parts on the microwave! – Get over here!! – (gagging grunt) (stifled groan) – Whoopsies. – (dying moan) – What the s–t? – I’m sorry!! – You are so bad at cutting, you are the husband in THE WORLD! – Ling-Ling, I can only take so much. – It’s not even worth it getting green card from you. That’s it!!! (grunts) That’s better. (karate grunt) – I guess I could pay my rent now. – It’s a good thing I adopted this third kid that looks like the last two. – I’m gonna go get a tattoo of the bible on my butt hole! – God. (boom!) I really suck at this whole parenting thing. – (screaming) – Hey, it’s okay! Once I eat you, your eyes will go back to the cage, AND YOU’LL BE ALIVE AGAIN! (demented laugh) Waka, waka, waka, waka… – Yeah, you’re right. Video game items in real life would kick ass. – I told you. – And now time to speed this s–t up with the “Song of Time.” (lilting tune) – Wait, hold on, dude. I think that’s the song of… (thunderclap, rain pouring) – Storms. – Dammit! – Uh, dude, your nipples are kind of showing now. – Oh, my God, girl boobs! – (screaming) (ravenous laughter) – Well, I guess since everyone’s gone, I’m getting the game first! Yes! Huh? Huh! No… no! Aah! Aah! (boom!) – Hey, if you’re not already subscribed, click that little yellow button to get a 1-up. (perky chime) – If you guys want to see bloopers from this video and watch me sustain some massive brain injury… (shouts) …click the video on the left. – And if you guys want to see another episode of ours, click that video on the right to watch “If Apps Were Real.” – I bang you! I bang you! I’d bang you!