Today we let animals
lick our faces. Let’s talk about that.( music playing )Good Mythical morning! Mythical beasts, today we’ll
spending way too much money making a Chick-fil-A
sandwich when we do another installment
of fancy fast food. And we’ll be tasting
discontinued cereals and deciding which should
be undiscontinued. But first, can we tell
which animals are licking us? It’s time for… Rhett and I are gonna take turns
becoming human lollipops by putting our heads
in the lollipop hole and then animals of unknown
sizes and genuses are gonna be brought in
to lick our faces. We have four lifelines. We have… – Gosh.
– We can do all those things
to these animals. Whoo! But you can only
do them once! If somebody uses that lifeline
it cannot be used again. We each get two of those. Of course the loser has
to lick a salt lick. That’s them things
that horses lick. I’ll go first. Okay, they’ve put
nose plugs on me and some sort of bait
on my face. So, I don’t know, apparently
this animal will want to lick what’s smeared
on my left cheek. Let’s bring this animal in. – Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
– Okay. Okay, don’t want you
to get any sound clues, but okay, so here we go. – ( man clicking tongue )
– Uh-huh. Okay. I hear some clicking. ( smacking lips ) Uh, animal doesn’t seem
to be in control. It makes me a little nervous. Oh. Ooh! That’s rough. Ooh, that is a– Ooh, girl, boy,
whatever you are. Ooh, that’s a big face
that was on my– ( laughs ) – I’m scared.
– Okay. I think that’s all
that it wants to do. The tongue of that thing
is huge! And rough as– as the most rough sand paper. Do you have a guess? I’ve never touched the tongue
of something that rough. Except in seventh grade. Um… I’m gonna guess a cow? All right, Link,
remove your blindfold. Oh, crap! It is a cow. – It’s Ashley!
– Hello. Oh, hold still
right there. I said her name and she let
something fall out of her butt. – Ready to get licked?
– Yep. – My face is baited.
– Okay. Bring in the unknown genus. Oh. Uh-oh. – Holy!
– ( pig snorting ) Oh. ( pig squealing ) Oh, no! No! Oh, no, put your head
back in there. You might be getting
some hints. I don’t know. – ( pig grunts )
– ( Rhett groans ) Link:
Come on. Don’t be shy, Rhett. I heard about these things disposing of bodies before. Don’t be afraid, Rhett. Oh, gosh! No! No! – I’m sorry.
– I’ll put it to you this way– I know what it is, man! It’s a pig!
Gosh! – Of course it’s a pig!
– Okay, you’re right. – Mary gave you a few hints,
– Hey, pig! but I will give you
the point. All right, Link, we got
another animal for ya. This is a traumatizing position. – Let’s bring it in.
– Oh, goodness! – ( Rhett humming )
– Okay. Give me a lick. ( sighs ) Oh. Oh. Oh! Oh! There we go. Now those lips were hairy. You got a guess? You wanna use one
of your lifelines maybe? As crazy
as this sounds, I think I’m gonna lick it. – Okay.
– Oh gosh, why’d I– – Okay.
– Why did I say that out loud? Okay, Link,
protrude your tongue. ( laughs )
Oh! – What was that?
– Hmm. Get a little bit more.
Get a little bit more. ( laughs )
Oh, gosh. Who am I? Did that give you any clues? Again I’m back in seventh grade. Oh man, this thing sounds huge
and it’s very hairy. What was that? It was more of the thing. It’s kinda kissing you now. – I don’t know.
– Which I would’ve thought that
you would’ve really enjoyed. – You thought I would enjoy it?
– Yeah. – Is this a dog?
– Is that your guess? No, it’s too hairy
and it was too lippy. I’m gonna–
I was thinking a camel. Uh… is it a camel? Link, take off your blindfold. – Oh!
– It’s a miniature horse! – It is!
– Thunder. It is a camel. This is
what I call camel. You got to lick
your favorite animal. Hello! It’s a miniature horse! Hello! We Frenched. Okay, Rhett, you ready
for another licking? Not really, but, uh, I’m here for whatever. ( singing )
Bring it in. Bring it in.
Bring it in. ( humming ) All right.
Looking hungry. Why is there so much noise? Lick it. ( man smacking lips ) ( Rhett panting ) This tongue moves so fast. What in the world–
Is it an alien? Not a bad guess.
Do you wanna use a lifeline? Uh, yeah. Okay, I wanna–
I wanna sniff it. All right, I’ll remove
your plugs here. – Okay.
– No, that’s my– that’s my–
that’s my eyes. Okay.
Here we go. Just removed the plug. – Sniff it.
– Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh, man. That is a, uh–
that’s a sheep or a goat. – Oh–
– Need your final answer. How do I separate the sheep
from the goats in my mind? Golly! The tongue moved so fast. Which has a faster tongue,
a sheep or a goat? Sheep.
I’m going with sheep. Pull off your mask, Rhett. Yes! No, that’s a goat! This is an angora goat. Oh look, but it’s a lot
like a sheep. I mean, that’s a pretty sheepy
goat if I’ve ever seen one. That’s the sheepiest goat
I’ve ever seen. No point for you. Okay, Link, we don’t have
anything on your face this round because we’ve been told
that this animal just likes to lick faces. Let’s bring him in. Okay. Oh. Oh. ( gasps )
What? It’s small. What is that? What is that? Oh, my ear! I just got a wet willy. Are you freaking out
or do you think it’s cute? It’s so cute! – I’m kinda freaking out. Okay.
– It’s so cute. Okay, it’s cute. Good. – Oh, freaking out.
– You wanna use a lifeline? ‘Cause I think that’s pretty
much what it’s gonna be. – Is it cute?
– Super cute! ‘Cause I don’t wanna kiss it
if it’s not cute. – I won’t kiss–
– I don’t think you’ll regret
kissing this. Did y’all bring
my wife in here? Yeah, your wife is
just licking you
with her little tongue. I’m gonna kiss. Did that feel like Christy? It felt like a freaking reptile! Was that a freaking–
Did you just make me kiss a freaking reptile? ‘Cause I’m gonna kill you… – I didn’t make you do anything.
– …if that is a reptile. It feels cold-blooded. There was no fur, there was
no skin, there was just– It was like cold skin, man.
There was no fur. Okay, well what’s your freaking
guess then, man? Oh, gosh. You gotta be specific. But it had a big tongue. Let it kiss me again. Not kiss me. Let it– let it lick me. Let it lick me. Okay, whatever. Oh, gosh! ( sighs ) Is it an iguana? Is it an iguana? Link, why don’t you take a look. ( gasps )
What the freaking crap? What is that? It’s a red tegu. – Are you–
– Specifically Sweet Cheeks. Are you serious
that I put my lips on that? But you know what?
I mean, it is a big lizard– – It’s not cute!
– I feel like I should give you
the point for iguana. – It is kinda–
– I’m gonna give you a half
point. A half a point?
I made out with it! – Okay, a full point.
– All right! You wanna make out
with it some more? ‘Cause he was really into it. He’s been smiling
the whole time. The smile is pretty cute. He’s like, “Yeah,
I kissed a human.” I cannot believe
I did that. Yeah, I licked
and kissed a human. That’s what
I did today. Okay, Rhett, the only thing
I’ve been told is don’t scream. Oh, no. Whatever you do,
don’t scream. You don’t wanna rile it up. – Gosh, what?
– Good. What? Oh, shoot. ( monkey chittering ) – ( Rhett gasps )
– Get a little licky licky. Get a little
licky licky. Little looky looky
then some licky licky. ( Rhett panting ) ( Rhett whimpers ) Little nibble nibble. Oh! What do you–
what did you sense? It was so nice. It was the nicest thing
I’ve ever experienced. What is– It was so soft
and supple. Oh. Oh, gosh. It’s making
strange noises. ( monkey chittering ) Link: Oh, yeah,
coming back for more. ( gasping ) All right, we need
your guess, Rhett. I am in the lead. You can tie it
with the correct guess. Now, Rhett, as you’re
deliberating I’ll just say, you can’t use the pet
lifeline on this one, because the petting
just couldn’t be proper. The petting can’t be proper? Yeah, it’s very important
that you pet this thing properly
and you can’t do that
with a blindfold, so you do not have
any lifelines. Oh, my goodness! I think I know what it is. What are you thinking that makes
you think you know what it is? It’s gotta be a porcupine because that way they’ll be–
somebody would have to hold it and I wouldn’t be able
to pet it. I’m saying porcupine. I think I just got kissed
by a porcupine. Okay, remove the–
remove the blindfold. – It’s a freaking monkey!
– Yeah. – Now what kinda monkey is this?
– Capuchin monkey. This is a Capuchin monkey. And he’s smarter
than both of us combined. – Oh, my gosh!
– Look at that. ( sighs ) Stand up, Rhett. Look! It’s a Capuchin monkey
on a lollipop! My dreams are
coming true! Oh, can I? Can I?
Can I? Can I? Can– Can the monkey– – Oh!
– Oh gosh. Now, Rhett, I won. So you have to lick
the salt lick. There you go. Yummy. Oh yeah,
it’s a monkey on a lollipop
on my shoulders. Salty! ( groans ) Keep watching to see us make a
ridiculously expensive version of the original Chick-fil-A
chicken sandwich and fancy fast food. More salt. Hey! Hi! Good to meet–
Oh! Oh! You gonna gnaw
on my finger?We have a podcast called
“Ear Biscuits”and you can listen
to the latest episodewherever you get your podcasts.Do it!